Pain

I think that we have been conditioned to think (and rightly so to some degree) that normally pain is an indication that something is terribly wrong.  When I touch my hand to a hot pan or stove and the nerves in my hand send pain signals to my brain which in turn instruct me not to leave my hand where it is on account of damage that will inevitably come to my body.  Pain says “stop.”  Pain says, “you are going in the wrong direction.”  “Something has gone awry.”   We’ve learned from pain that this world is not as it should be.  We’ve learned that our lives aren’t often as they should be.  We’ve learned that life just isn’t fair.   It doesn’t always deal us a great hand.  We’ve learned that all people are not (despite popular deluded opinion) inherently good, but to the contrary are as wicked as any could be if left up to their own devices.

We Christians are not above pain.  We are not above difficulty, strife, heartache, disaster, sometimes despair, unrealized expectations, sickness, disease, famine and the like.  We, as the rest of the world, know pain.  And yet there is something about pain in the life of a Christian that is completely different for him/her.  There is a principle (or numerous principles) at work in the life of a Christian that moves us to view pain in a different way.  Perhaps it takes us a while to get to this point when pain comes.  Perhaps it is with great difficulty and labor of the mind, heart and soul, striving together with God to come to this conclusion; but sooner or later it must happen because for the Christian life is never lived alone.

For those who are without Christ, pain is a great evil.  It is not necessarily the ultimate evil, but it is a great evil nonetheless.  Because for them, this life is all there is with regards to pleasure and the enjoyment thereof.  Their pleasure and joy consist, persist and terminate with this life.  It revolves around their feelings, emotions, wishes, aspirations and deepest longings.  And those things are merely temporal, tied to the same fleeting hope that defines the vain glory of their own short lives.

However for the Christian life is much greater than our temporal existence.  Life for the Christian is much fuller.  It does not consist in mere religious or other physical exercises, as if value and worth could come from doing alone.  Furthermore the fullness of life doesn’t merely consist in the enjoyment of those exercises of themselves.  Nor does it consist in some emotional attachment or fulfillment as a result of having these things.  Certainly there is much over which we rejoice.  There is much about this life that we can take pleasure in.  But many of those things in which we take great pleasure, in which many find fulfillment are nothing more than mere exercises of created beings (things that we share in common with mere beasts).  What makes us different?  The thing that makes us (as humans) different, yes the thing that makes us as Christians different is the fullness of life found in knowing and being known by God and His Son Jesus Christ.  He makes the difference.  In Him is life, in Him is the fullness of life.  He is the One through whom all life came into being and He will be the final Judge of all that is living.  Knowing Him is life.  Not knowing Him is not having life.  But knowing Him is the fullness of all that is life.

The possession of and enjoyment of so many of life’s pleasures can amount to nothing in comparison to knowing Him.  Thus for the Christian the loss of these things (even the greatest and most fulfilling things about this life) can never be sufficient reason for despair.  Because the Christian has Ultimate Life.  The Christian has the Fullness of Life simply by knowing and being known by Jesus Christ.  Furthermore the pain of losing these things takes on a different meaning.  It is not pain for pain’s sake.  It is not loss for loss sake.  It is not mere chance that brings about this pain, it is no accident.  It is not one’s own ability or inability nor is it ignorance, judgment or impotence of the Almighty.  On the contrary, for the Christian, pain is a part of the design that God the Father has designated for His children.  And as a part of His design it is good on two accounts (perhaps there are more, but these two seem apparent to me at the present).

First that pain has a way of reminding us that we are His children.  The Father is said to “discipline those whom He loves.”  And illegitimate son, a step-son, an unloved son is often left alone. He is left to fend for himself.  He is left up to his own devices and left alone to do whatever he wishes.  But a beloved son, a cherished son, a treasured son is carefully tended to.  He is watched over.  He is guided, he is prodded, he is even redirected when taking a misstep.  The beloved son is rebuked, corrected and disciplined as is necessary for his good at the discretion of the father.  We are often tempted to think that certain pains indicate that God doesn’t love us or that He is unaware of the trouble that we encounter or that is is simply angry at us for one reason or another.  But for the Christian, we must know that this can’t be farther from the truth.  For the Christian is a beloved son of God in Christ. Thus God’s intentional and eternally loving care for us includes discipline for those times that we need to be humbled, corrected or reminded that we are His.  Thus His discipline for us is a reminder to us that we are His children and in fact children “in whom He delights.”

Second pain has a way of purifying us to be His perfect children.  The Father doesn’t desire for us to stay as we are.  In fact He has predetermined that we should “stand before Him Holy and without blame” in the day to come.  And yet we know that we aren’t “holy and blameless”…yet.  The step(s) in between now and then involve purification.  A wise goldsmith intensifies the fire before refining his gold.  And he often places the gold into the fire throughout the refining process in order to burn off the dross and other impurities.  He might have need of placing his gold into the fire numerous times, each time removing it to inspect it until he is able to see his own reflection in it when its reached its highest purity.  So our heavenly Father, our gracious God, has our greatest good in mind in not only often turning up the fire; but often placing us in the fire in order to continue to burn off impurities that inhibit His reflection in us.  For as He is better reflected in us, He is Glorified (displayed in all His Splendor, even as the Sun on a bright and clear Summer day).  As He is better reflected in us, we are glorified (made to be more like Him, even as the Moon has no glory of its own but rather reflects the glory of the Sun).  As He is better reflected in us, others around us are enlightened (even as the moon provides light by night).  Thus for the Christian pain has a purifying effect.  And this effect is good in his/her life because it makes us more life Him, it prepares us to be with Him, it increases our longing to lay hold of Him and to let go of this world.  It makes us more fit to testify to His goodness, attracting others to His light and also makes us adequate to help others through even as He makes us to persevere through the tough storms of life.

Pain is difficult.  And it will be until we are taken from this life.  However without Christ, your pain will continue on for eternity.  And not only that but it will increase all the more as the wrath and indignation of the LORD is poured out upon you in its fullness for eternity, consuming but never destroying your soul and body.   Let him who has ears to hear, hear and be warned.

However for the Christian, God has not destined us for wrath (thus the pain which He brings can never be considered wrath), but for salvation.  And that unto the riches of His grace for all eternity.  God has promised to show how rich His grace is to us.  Not because of anything in us, not because we’ve earned it, but on the basis of what His Son Jesus has already done in dying for our sins, rising again from the dead and granting life to those who have faith in His name.  Christian, remember Jesus Christ risen from the dead.  Remember the confession of faith that you made and your allegiance to Him.  Remember that your life is more than good and bad, ups and downs, gains and losses.  Remember that your life is Christ. Trust Him.

Colossians 3:1-4

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.  3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  4 When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

1 Peter 1:3-9

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,  4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,  5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,  7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;  8 and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,  9 obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.

James 1:2-5

2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Romans 5:1-10

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.  3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;  4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  6 For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.  7 For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die.  8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.  10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

Parenting, 3 reasons why we must not give up!

Reason #1 why we must not give up. It is the will of God.  God has destined us for this purpose.  He brought both husband and wife together in marriage.  He enabled their bodies to conceive.  He appointed each child to the family.  If it is thus God’s will that we are the parents and they are the children and if God has thus called children to parent; then we must parent, and we must not give up.

Parenting is at times discouraging, frustrating and down right disheartening.  But God has appointed us to this.  He has appointed us as parents, weak, lacking wisdom, easily frustrated and tired as we are.  And He has appointed these children to us, foolish, stubborn, sinful and childish as they are.  And God never errs.  He never makes mistakes.  He did not forget that you were weak.  He did not forget that you too would struggle with sinful inclinations and responses.  He did not forget that you might be tired or that it might be hard.  He also did not forget or fail to realize how difficult this child would be.  Nor did not overlook that you would have many sleepless, teary eyed nights over this unrepentant, sometimes belligerent soul.  In fact He planned it all.  He planned it all first for His glory and next for the good of the two of you.  Yes, He gave you two to each other for the sanctification of each of you.  And perhaps if your child is yet to believe, then He has planned them first for your sanctification.

Furthermore in His mercy, in His plan, with His call, He provides greater grace.  For God always gives grace to the humble and He always gives grace sufficient for the weaknesses of those whom He calls to service.

Reason #2 why we must not give up. This is why children need parents.  Children are born sinners.  Thus their intellect, their capacity for “reason,” their ability to know their limitations and to discern right from wrong is all corrupt.  It is tainted with sin.  Thus children need guidance.  They need wisdom.  It is not inherent in them.  What is inherent is to sin.  What is inherent is to choose what is most pleasing to them alone, whether it is wise or right for them to do.  Children are never taught to sin.  They never need to be taught to cry for something that they want.  They know instinctively how to become angry when a perceived need is not met.  However they do need to be taught to delay gratification.  They need to be taught discipline.  They need to be taught that food is for the belly and not the belly for food.  They need to be taught that fun isn’t always safe.  They need to be taught the nature of action and consequence.   They need to be taught boundaries.  If parents do not teach them these things then their folly will ensnare them.  Their desires will overwhelm them until they become utter slaves to their lusts, whatever those lusts may be.  They need to be taught these things or else they will perceive no boundaries, either human or divine; thus incurring both the judgment of man and eventually the judgment of God.

Reason #3 why we must not give up. The Lord is patient with us.  If we would but count the times of our stubbornness, the times when we’ve scorned the reproof of the Lord, the times when we’ve ignored His chastening and rebuke, the times when we’ve returned to the vomit of our sin even in light of His discipline, the times when we’ve shaken our fists at God’s law in pursuit of our own passions…we would be ashamed at our lack of patience with our children.  For the Lord God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness towards us…and that so beautifully and bountifully displayed on a wooden cross on which He hung His Son to suffer, bleed and die for our sins while we were sinners and His enemies.  He did that for us.  And He rose Him from the dead and gave Him glory and the promise of new life and glory to us as well, though we were His enemies.  If God has thus done so for us, how can we not do so for our dear (sometimes wicked) sweet children, the fruit of the womb, the blessing from the Lord?

Certainly there are more reasons.  These have been the most outstanding in my own heart recently as I’ve considered this stewardship of parenthood which the Lord has thus given us.  May they be a blessing to your soul as well.  Remember these principles when you are at your last, remember that the Lord is Sovereign, even over the course of their young, seemingly uncontrolled lives, and often seek the Fountain of Grace whenever your cup runs empty.

Maranatha!

Pleading for their good…

Proverbs 2:1-22

My son, if you will receive my sayings, And treasure my commandments within you,  2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding;  3 For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding;  4 If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures;  5 Then you will discern the fear of the LORD, And discover the knowledge of God.  6 For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.  7 He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,  8 Guarding the paths of justice, And He preserves the way of His godly ones.  9 Then you will discern righteousness and justice And equity and every good course.  10 For wisdom will enter your heart, And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;  11 Discretion will guard you, Understanding will watch over you,  12 To deliver you from the way of evil, From the man who speaks perverse things;  13 From those who leave the paths of uprightness, To walk in the ways of darkness;  14 Who delight in doing evil, And rejoice in the perversity of evil;  15 Whose paths are crooked, And who are devious in their ways;  16 To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words;  17 That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God;  18 For her house sinks down to death, And her tracks lead to the dead;  19 None who go to her return again, Nor do they reach the paths of life.  20 So you will walk in the way of good men, And keep to the paths of the righteous.  21 For the upright will live in the land, And the blameless will remain in it;  22 But the wicked will be cut off from the land, And the treacherous will be uprooted from it.

There is a subtle undertone to this passage in Proverbs that you could miss if you weren’t looking for it.  I’d say for that matter you could miss it if you weren’t a parent.  Certainly before I had children I had no idea of this perspective on parenting.  It is the pleading of a parent’s heart for their child to learn wisdom.  You say, of course it is.  No, I mean it is a child pleading for their child to know wisdom for their good. I found myself pleading with my daughter this afternoon when I had to discipline her for something.  I knew that she understood that she was wrong.  And I thought that she understood why she was wrong.  But that she is wrong and why she is wrong doesn’t keep her from doing wrong again.  She could tell me that she was wrong and why she was wrong, but I know that she would still do it again in the future.

I find that often as parents we get stuck, with regards to discipline, in the mode of correcting behavior alone.  We see something that they are doing and our sole goal in the situation is to stop the bad behavior.  Perhaps we go the extra mile and explain to them what the right behavior is but that’s it.  Once we’ve effectively stopped the negative behavior that is it, we feel like we’ve done our part.  And perhaps if we see that they can verbalize what and why then we feel that they’ve learned their lesson…at least until the next time.  But we should learn from this that its not enough that they know the what and the why.  Because they still have wayward thinking.  The root issue in disobedience is never the act of disobedience.  The root issue in disobedience is a foolish, sinful heart.  It is a heart which thinks waywardly and therefore acts waywardly.  So if you only address the behavior and correct the behavior, the child’s heart will still be wayward.  Tedd Tripp calls this “shepherding a child’s heart.”  Great book, I’d recommend it.  The point is that children need more than just a lesson on doing it daddy or mommy’s way.  They need to know that in their heart there is a disconnect.  They need to know that in their heart they have sinned which leads to external actions of disobedience.  And they need to know that the only One who can truly help them with their heart issue is the LORD.

They need to feel their need as only that which God can provide.  Because that is true.  “From His mouth come knowledge and understanding…”  He needs to be the One to whom they turn when they feel their hearts going wayward.  He needs to be the One on whom they depend even when Dad and Mom are not around.  We must teach our children to love wisdom and to seek it from the LORD “as for silver and [to] search for it as for hidden treasure.”  And we need to teach them that when they seek Him for it, they “will discern the fear of the LORD and discover the knowledge of God.”

When God is sought with the whole heart, wisdom is given.  And it is a wisdom which will truly benefit.  “Discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you, to deliver you from the way of evil…” and then he goes on to list a number of examples of the way of evil:

1)  “from the man who speaks perverse things”

2) “from those who walk in the ways of darkness, who delight in doing evil, and who are devious”

3) “from the strange/adulterous woman” [and from her ways - to those who have daughters]

These are things that the wisdom which the LORD gives will guard our children from.  And this is the truth that we must impress upon their hearts.  “Make your ear attentive to wisdom…search for her…then you will know the fear of the LORD…for wisdom will enter your heart…to deliver you from the way of evil.”

Three things that we must strive to teach our children, yea even plead with them to understand:

Your children must respect your words as important and necessary for them.  If they don’t respect your words – because you have shamed or angered them with the way in which you correct them – then they won’t learn wisdom from you.  Because when you try to teach the wisdom of the LORD, they will not pay your words any attention.

Your children must view wisdom as necessary for their lives.  You can teach your children to aim for many things.  Even by what they see you aim for.  You can teach them to aim for a good education, a good job, a good husband/wife, a good social/economic status or whatever it might be.  But if you don’t teach them to aim for, to strive for, to desire wisdom as more precious than silver or gold; then all you’ll have is an intelligent, well adjusted, successful, rich fool.  Whose life will have been wasted, not having lived for the LORD.

Your children must view the way of the LORD as necessary for their lives.  Don’t hide evil from your children.  I don’t mean to take them into the roughest neighborhoods and let them watch crime or else to give them every video game that they want to be taught the intricacies of warfare and violence.  But I do mean that we should point out evil when it is seen.  I mean that we should use terms that the Bible uses in correcting our children.  They’re not just having a bad day.  They are sinning and doing what is evil in the sight of the LORD.  They disobey.  They act foolishly.  And if they continue in the path of foolishness they will receive the LORD’s punishment.  “The wicked will be cut off from the land and the treacherous will be uprooted from it.”  The way of the LORD is the way of “good men.”  It is the way of the “righteous.”

The nature of motivation

I think that the Lord has a particular set of lessons designed for each stage of our lives, from our own childhood, even on up until our children have children.  Now, I haven’t experienced those latter set of lessons, but have certainly learned a lot from having children of my own.  And I am sure that I have much yet to learn.  One of those lessons is with regards to the nature of motivation.  Now, I think that this is a principle constant from birth to death, but is particularly clear in the lives of young children.  I think that as we get older, we are able to mask these subtleties in various ways, but typically it boils down to the same thing.  The principle is this, a person will do what they will to do until it becomes too difficult for them to continue, or until it becomes more advantageous for them to do otherwise.

Proverbs 1:20-33

20 Wisdom shouts in the street, She lifts her voice in the square;  21 At the head of the noisy streets she cries out; At the entrance of the gates in the city, she utters her sayings:  22 “How long, O naive ones, will you love simplicity? And scoffers delight themselves in scoffing, And fools hate knowledge?  23 “Turn to my reproof, Behold, I will pour out my spirit on you; I will make my words known to you.  24 “Because I called, and you refused; I stretched out my hand, and no one paid attention;  25 And you neglected all my counsel, And did not want my reproof;  26 I will even laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your dread comes,  27 When your dread comes like a storm, And your calamity comes on like a whirlwind, When distress and anguish come on you.  28 “Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently, but they shall not find me,  29 Because they hated knowledge, And did not choose the fear of the LORD.  30 “They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof.  31 “So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way, And be satiated with their own devices.  32 “For the waywardness of the naive shall kill them, And the complacency of fools shall destroy them.  33 “But he who listens to me shall live securely, And shall be at ease from the dread of evil.”

The interesting thing about this passage of scripture is that it suggests that the fool will turn to wisdom when they reach the end of their folly.  I was talking to my daughter about this tonight.  When I read the passage, she asked what the word “rebuke” (reproof in this version) meant.  I told her that rebuke was the process of telling someone that what they are doing is wrong.  And I also explained the connection between rebuke and correction, that correction is the process of telling someone what was right for them to do.  And that the fool is the one who will not listen to rebuke nor correction and that this passage teaches that they will be caught in the trap of their own foolishness because they failed to listen to wisdom when it called to them.

The problem with the fool is not that he will never listen to rebuke, but that he fails to listen to rebuke when it is most necessary and useful.  He fails to do this because it is easier to continue in folly than to stop and listen to rebuke.  It is easier to continue in the way that he is going than to stop and return another way.  It would be more difficult for him to cease from what pleasures him the most and has the most immediate fulfillment, namely foolishness than to choose to do what is right, but has the least immediate fulfillment.  And once he has had the full of his folly and according to this passage, has reaped the fruit of his folly – destruction – then he is motivated to listen, then he turns his heart to wisdom to try to learn.  But by that time it is too late, and the consequence is often too great for him to bear.  And what is left for him to do than to suffer the consequences and learn or to become bitter and continue down the path of foolishness.

Wisdom calls out to us, often in the most unlikely of ways, but it does call.  When wisdom calls to rescue you from a foolish decision what do you do?  Do you prove yourself a fool and ignore her voice?  Or do you turn to wisdom while it is best?  We must teach our children to heed rebuke.  We must teach them not to despise correction.  For in receiving correction well, there is great benefit.  When wisdom is given in the form of rebuke and/or correction before folly, there is great benefit.

Teach children to love wisdom.  Don’t teach them to love themselves (self-esteem), don’t teach them to love others (idolatry), don’t teach them to love stuff (materialism), teach them to love wisdom, and that from above.  Teach them to love wisdom as that which God gives to direct us in His right way.   Teach them not to despise discipline, but to appreciate it as a tool to gain wisdom. In that we must have wisdom to present discipline and instruction in such a way that is not overbearing, harsh or a cause for them to become embittered against us.

Heed the warning of Proverbs and teach your children to be motivated by what truly is best for them:

Proverbs 1:7

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.  Fools despise wisdom and discipline.

Proverbs 12:1  12:1

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid

Proverbs 8:35-36

35 “For he who finds me finds life, And obtains favor from the LORD.  36 “But he who sins against me injures himself; All those who hate me love death.”